Overheard in Dubai: October 2025 Edition
Deals, Drama, and a Side of Piri Piri - Real estate may be global, but spice is universal.
Dubai: The only city where everyone’s a broker, every apartment is “off market,” and your next showing might be at a shisha lounge with a guy named “Crypto Don.”
1. “It’s not my listing but I’m marketing it on behalf of the guy who once dated the niece of the owner’s cousin.”
“Dubai’s version of six degrees of separation is two brunches and a business card.”
2. “I have a buyer. They’re serious. Just waiting on their crypto to clear and their astrologer to approve the floorplan.”
“Do they also want east-facing bidets for alignment?”
3. “I can’t send the brochure because it has another agent’s branding, but just imagine it says my name instead.”
“What would Canva do?”
4. “Technically, there’s no listing agreement, but I do have the keys and a ring light.”
“The holy trinity: access, lighting, delusion.”
5. “It’s a soft launch. For now, we’re just posting it on Instagram and praying it goes viral.”
“Is that before or after it hits the WhatsApp groups titled ‘Investor Bros’?”
6. “I was going to send the PDF, but I watermarked it so hard I can’t read the specs myself.”
“If the buyer can’t see the price, they’ll just feel the value.”
7. “This unit is only available for VIPs, influencers, and people who look rich on Instagram.”
“New Dubai real estate pre-qual: AMEX Black or verified TikTok.”
Disclaimer:
Next month’s Overheard in Dubai may cause side effects like spontaneous laughter, career redirection, or putting your Palm Jumeirah rent on pause while you contemplate life as a camel influencer in Ras Al Khaimah. Also, reading while drinking karak may result in nasal splashback.
